Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
