dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
