no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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