The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
