Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
