We need to start having sex underwater more often.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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