I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
