i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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