She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
