your thong is hanging out like whoa
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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