I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
