just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
