the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
as a side note pls kill me
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
