so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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