Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
