I accidentally had phone sex last night
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
