Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
