I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
