btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
