paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
