tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
