Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
