Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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