So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
