I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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