If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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