thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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