just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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