Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
