Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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