Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
