Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
wanna go halves on a baby?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
