DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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