Betty ford says i'm here all night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
