last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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