So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
