Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
