you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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