man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
