I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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