that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
