You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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