so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
