I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
