Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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