Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
