from now on my penis is your penis
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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