why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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