Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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