Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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